To my Babies...

Your life began as tiny, little cells,
Your little heart began to beat,
We didn't know that you were there;
That a baby the Lord had begun to create.

When we learned of your existence,
we were so excited and happy!
We wanted to tell the world
That we were going to have a baby!

You were a little mystery hidden from us.
Our love for you continued to grow,
We dreamed of the day we would see you,
Your cute little face, each finger and toe.

We wanted you with all our hearts,
But it was not to be-
For the Lord had another plan for you,
Our precious baby whom we'd never see.

He needed a little angel for His Kingdom,
You were perfect for His plan,
So He gently took you from us
And carried you away in His hand.

Our hearts were filled with pain.
Why God would dash our every dream
And take you from us-
Fair and loving it did not seem.

But God needed you, Baby Dear,
Though why we may never understand,
He's our loving heavenly Father
Walking with us; holding our hands.

We miss you, Sweetheart,
You're home in God's loving care,
Someday we'll see you in Heaven,
It's glory and splendor forever share.

We love you- Our dear little baby,
God's perfect little Angel.

*In loving memory of our three precious babies,
who went to be with Jesus before they were born.*


Today I miss my babies. There are times when I don't think about it much, but there are other times when it's painfully real. Even though the thought of having a 3 yr old, 2 yr old, 1 yr old, and a 4 mon. old is slightly overwhelming, they were still my babies, and I wanted every one of them.
I don't understand God... but I guess if I did understand Him, then he wouldn't be God.

A miscarriage is a personal pain. It's not one that others are going to feel with you. oh yes, They will feel sorry for you, but since they never saw the baby, never felt any attachment to it, it's something they forget rather easily. But you, as a couple, know that that child was a part of you.
As a pregnant Mom, you feel nauseous, tired and sick, but you look forward to the day when it's over and you have your baby in your arms. Then suddenly it's over... life goes on, and you are forced to see your friends in maternity clothes, newborn babies, etc. And while you want to except God's plan for you, it still hurts. And since not everybody wants to hear about your 'baby that they never saw' all the time, you keep it all inside... until at night when you curl up in bed and cry it all out.

I still cry about them sometimes. Wes AND i STILL TALK ABOUT THEM. But life does go on and while it may seem impossible at the time, the pain does get less, especially once you are busy with other children.

One thing that has helped me a lot is praying and asking God to give me peace about it all. The first baby I asked him to give me a dream; and He did. It was so special!! I saw Him, sitting on a throne with a baby in His arms, wrapped in a pink blanket. He was smiling and holding my baby. I often wonder if my babies will know me when I get to Heaven. I like to envision them all running toward me in their little white robes, arms out stretched, welcoming me home. They will take my hand, and we will walk around Heaven, they will show me where they like to play and introduce me to all their other little friends. I know that it's a 'dream', but it's nice to think about.

I'm honestly not sure why I shared this, but I just felt like I should. Don't cry for me, just love your children. And if you can relate to my experience, know that I love you, I care about you, and I'm praying for you. It's ok to cry about it. It's ok to ask God for peace and a dream to live on. God cares about us personally. He cares about what makes us hurt, and what makes us happy. He truly is a loving Father, I just don't always understand His way of loving me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you, and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

May You be blessed!!